Code's Labours Lost, or The Folly of the Warezer

From CPP

Introduction

This was written by a caffeine addict who was last seen recuperating whilst rolling around on the carpet. It, as its title suggests, describes the folly of warez through the unique insight of a man in caffeine withdrawal.

Fortunately, the entire #C++ channel is filled with people who understand both insane gibberish and heroic couplets, and thus it has been put on this site.

Bug reports, flames etc.. may be sent via the forum and may be read, moderated or sent to /dev/null depending on the value of rand()%17, the amount of free space on the server's hard drive, and the prevailing wind direction in Chicago.

Code's Labours Lost, or The Folly of the Warezer

One time, within a channel I once knew,
Came a man who said "!list" passing through.   // Pronounce this bang-list
We told him he were naughty in our sight,      //   in true intercal style
And we rail'd against him with all our might.  // rail'd == one syllable
Forsooth, we hop'd we might impart virtue,
And he a truer soft-wares source pursue.

"Ack," quoth he, "wherefore railst you all at me,
When I but ask for free soft-wares from thee?"
"Thou shallst not steal these soft-wares," I replied,
But it matter`ed not the words I tried.        // matter`ed==3 syllables 
He was turn'd by neither reason nor rhyme,
To see verily that it were a crime.

He refus'd, refut`ed and argu'd on,
"Were a farmer one of whose eggs were gone,
Would he complain if he still had his hen?
Would he be not like a programmer then,
Who yet still has all his programs to sell?
And is greedy that he this crime outyell?"

There'pon cam'st into the channel an Op,
"No!" said the Op, be thou not such a fop,
This crime it is not one of constant cost,
Where one takes, so one more, and one more's lost,
So though the farmer has not lost his hen,
The cost's not O(1), it's at least O(n)."       // say oh, not big-oh 

"But there endeth it not, that's not enough,
For 'pon the 'farmer' this crime is far more rough,
With these warezers, one copy's not the ends,
They go forth and give copies to their friends.
If n were first took, and for each n shared,
Then the total cost is now O(n^2)."             // oh n squared (durrrh)

Now, thought I, Op will return to his porn,
But he had not yet pour`ed all his scorn!
"The copying is not though over yet:
Any copy can another beget!
So can you tell me what use is a hen,
When free eggs there are, O(n^n)?"              // oh n to the n

This said, mine true Op's temper, it were quell'd,
On this matter, no more was said nor yelled.
No more words came from warezer, nor from I,
And dearest friend, I'm sure you can guess why:
From this channel, warezer was kick'd and bann'd,
Forsooth, the kick message from Op said "HAND."

by James S. Adelman (A.K.A. whythehell), Copyright 2002